Posts tagged: thoughts
I think about things and then out of no where I have an epiphany and knowledge and understanding slaps me in the face on something. Then it’s a race to remember it some kind of external way other than memory because I’ll more than likely forget it. Just like what’s below.
Daily, multiple times daily even when I don’t actively think about it my mind always does. It thinks what next? What happens after military life? In many ways it’s a panic but it is a very legitimate question. I have said before that me and the military is a true love/hate relationship. I’ve hated most of it, but the small amount I love about it I’d never take back for anything. Even as a reservist I miss and long for how a military unit operates at my civilian job. My days of active duty are just that years of active service lived daily. I question the purpose of what I do at work a lot, it just seems it’s not legit and the reasons have no real meaning behind doing the work, but it pays the bills so I go.
I even look at my own life outside of work and what I do. I used to ride motorcycles, made motorcycle video’s, did track days, always rode up in the mountains of Virginia, dedicated and immersed myself in improving my riding ability through body mechanics on the bike, braking and throttle control, suspension setup, tire pressures, tires, chain maintenance, engine maintenance, gearing, engine mapping, etc.
And it’s no different than how I immersed myself with making video’s, dedicating the time and money to buying cameras, learning how to video, how to get the shot on my motorcycle with my GoPro, or from a tripod of a city skyline with my Canon 60D, night time settings, even learning how to take still photo’s to speed up my DSLR filming skills. Researching how to make camera rigs on the cheap to assist in various filming techniques. Hours spent on google maps looking for locations to film at or photo at. Just a lot and I mean a lot of time dedicated and spent on videography and photography and becoming better at both.
Even with guns, I have just as with the previous 2, just broken it down into a learning science for myself. To be able to gain as much knowledge as possible. From the type of handgun, to caliber, to my personal likes, to fit and feel, cost, overall cost when you factor in everything from ammo, extra mags, holsters, mag carriers, belts, sights, medical supplies just in case. Time spent on online looking up information and research, to in person talking with other folks who shoot guns. How the trigger feels, how my sight picture is, how shooting both eyes open is so much easier than one eye open. How do I focus on even doing that with a TBI which effects me all the time in all aspects of my life, and directly interferes with my visual processing ability, and short and long term memory, and focus.
That and I have been just doing home improvement projects. Redid my attic insulation properly, sealed my crawl space, built a storage shed from the ground up no kit or directions, and more projects to get done when the warm weather is here to stay and the cold is out till winter later this year. I’m a DIY’er and yet it’s like I’m looking for a purpose, to see what I can do what I’m good at and I do what it is I set out to do. I have no limiting abilities yet, I don’t see myself as a expect on any one thing but I want to be good at everything. I do know that I love video and photography and that has seemed to tie into everything else I do, it’s just finding and figuring out that way, having that epiphany on how to make that what I do, so I can do what I love.
I get into conversation with friends on pistols here and there, some are fine with Glock, others just hate Glock for whatever reason, which normally isn’t driven by performance, just arrogant personal opinion. Why I chose to purchase 2 Glock pistols isn’t because of the hype associated with the name Glock. It’s the following
1.Fit and feel in my hands.
2.Performance record (not hyped up record).
5.Accessibility to parts.
Glock pistols for me when looking at the polymer guns are the route I went for the above reasons. Glock fits my hands better than Sig, S&W M&P’s, and the Spring Field Armor XD’s. And natural feeling and grip to me is important as it automatically gives confidence in the weapon. I don’t mind the glock trigger, I like it’s feel and it’s consistent pull all the way to when the shot breaks. Now obviously there are better triggers my Sig SP2022 has a better trigger smooth wise but imo that’s a minor thing that is irrelevant for combat shooting.
Performance record, well Glock pistols have always been known to just keep shooting without cleaning, no break in period, any ammo they just keep going unless your purposely trying to find it’s breaking point. But I’d say pretty much all polymer guns now on the market are equal in reliability.
I thought the U shape rear sight was strange at first, but I have learned it make it easier for me to acquire the front sight post and get on target than the standard 2 dot rear.
Now price is always a factor for me, I’m not out here looking for a competition gun with the most awesome smooth trigger known to man, I want a combat pistol. Glock, Spring Field, and the M&P’s are priced relatively the same, and well Sig we all know anything German is going to cost more. But the Glock Blue Label program for military, fire, police, ems brings the pricing down to a point to where the others just cannot price match that low.
Accessibility to parts and mags and whatever else is a huge reason. I noticed that the other makes, extra mags were much harder to find and more expensive along with accessories or whatever other parts your looking for.
And that’s really my thoughts on a pistol, do I like the first impression when I hold it, is it going to run when I need it most, how much does it cost, can I get on target easy, and if I need extra mags or a different type of sight is it available everywhere at reasonable pricing. And keep in mind this is just my own opinions, we all have our own and our likes and dislikes.
We’ve had this rain all day up until around 4pm EST today. I just got home from Walgreens and getting a few thing. I just happened to look up to notice how clear the night sky was and also how well I could see many stars considering where I live is in a very light polluting area. Had brief thoughts of seeing the galaxy while I was out in the middle Pacific Ocean standing on the flight deck at night no land within a thousand miles of us, or how I was smoking a cigarette at night in the middle of nowhere Afghanistan, just looking at the stars and watching my cherry moving up and down as my hand moved to and from my mouth. Either way appreciating life is just that, appreciating life.
7th grade 1996-1997, first time I can remember where I noticed I felt an attraction to a classmate of mine and the first time I remember how I thought to myself black girls are beautiful.
To those who take something away from my posts, glad I provided something that was useful and mattered to someone somewhere
Nexus and this style of music. This song just reaches deep in my thoughts, it’s the kind of music I need to hear.
I’m fast approaching 1 year since I left Afghanistan. I just thought about how I’ve finally been driviing since probably mid September without constantly scanning for IED’s, even though larger items on the road way always immediately attract my attention, and my heart races for a few seconds as training and gut feeling surge into action, until I realize it’s ok your not there anymore and haven’t been for a while now. Amazes me that my mind can without thinking or want flash right back to defense mode. I still sit in the corner at restaurants though, and avoid situations where I will be around large crowds of people, I doubt that will change any time soon if ever.
I’m rather annoyed, pissed and disappointed with a specific person I talked with today at the VA. Just makes me wonder, why work here if you seem like you don’t give a shit!
Very relaxing piano from William Georges aka Tastelike Cake. To me listening to it is like having a flashback and seeing your life flash before your eyes all at the same time. Putting one into a relaxed yet deep thinking mode.
I’ve always wanted to go out in the rain, and I don’t mean light rain I mean piss pouring monsoon type shit and take photo’s. Problem is that’s going to ruin my 60D. One day I’ll do it, when I can figure out how to not ruin a camera I spent $1500 bucks on.
Short film by a former soldier about PTSD. Probably the best video depiction I’ve seen so far. The ending though is something that is I think the best part, because there are things that only other Vets will understand.
These are the kind of days that will be upon us before we know it. Mornings like this when it’s chilly and yet calm is when I think of a good cup of coffee and a smoke go hand in hand, while just taking that few minutes out of your life to appreciate life and it’s beauty and the calmness.
In a perfect world I would not live where I live or do what I do. I’d move elsewhere in the mountains of the norther Rocky’s of western Montana, or Easter Idaho, or even up to Alaska. Being one with God’s green earth, without the interference of Bullshit from other people and the endless drama that we create and for what, what good does it bring us as a people as a whole? Just my Guns, my family, my Jeep, my Stihl chain saw, and the forest enjoying life just making it, you know surviving without having to depending on anything or anyone else for it. Nothing like felling a tree, cutting it up into mill logs and or for fire wood. You know, well some know splitting wood with nothing but a maul or splitting axe, and that smell in winter or that oak burning. Love that smell can’t wait for it this winter to be honest. Guess my life and the events of my life made me who I am. I never grew up in the city, but I never grew up in the country either. I was born in the mountains in the Philippines, but I’m still southerner at the same time, the only Filipino Redneck I know of, and the only pacific islander or Asian I know of that talks with a southern accent. My first job ever was tree work and logging along with some contract grass maintenance for the first year. And to those of you who have never done logging or tree work and or at least for my old boss, it’s flat out the most physically demanding thing I have ever done in my life. So I guess you could say living on the land and the outdoors are part of my genetics, in my DNA, but also learning about felling trees brought a new respect for nature and living. I guess it’s like this my daddy instilled “a honest day’s work” in me, while my first job/boss instilled “you’ll work your ass off and get er done.” And truth is ain’t neither one of those ever failed me.
First off I want to say that this is not my work, but the work of someone else. I greatly admire this video, the simplicity of it and yet the passion that is shown for what one loves to do is remarkable.
I myself like motorcycling, and it’s been 14 months since I have been on a ride to the mountains. Ironic it is winter as I have returned, the bike needs work before it hits the street once again. But for me this video holds more value than just motorcycling. It’s the hope of the future, of better things to come, living life and most of all enjoying life, and loving life and all those people and things who make it up.
That’s how I see it, living and loving life while we can and are able to, because it’s never a promise that will will live to be that nice old age and say we saw years come and go and watched as things changed. So enjoy life now never later, because later may never come.
Since arriving back in the States 3 weeks ago I get asked these 2 questions more than any other. Here’s what I am asked and my answers without going into a detailed answer.
Q-How was it?
A.-Could of been better could of been worse, at the end of the day I only care about one thing, those I know who are still there all make it home safe!
Q-Would you go back?
A-I would go back without hesitation, but not for the Afghans or Afghanistan. Only for those I would serve with.